Like Grihya Sutras and Brahmanas of Vedas give details of how 16 Samskaras should be performed, is there any scripture which gives ideal procedure for finding and marrying the ideal bride or groom?
Is the marriage like court/registered marriage and Arya Samaj temple marriage acceptable/ethical?
Choosing a bridegroom:
From Yamasmriti:
One should seek for seven qualities in a bridegroom viz. good family, good character, physical appearance, reputation, learning, wealth and [track record of] support [of relatives and friends]; the other matters need not be considered.
Choosing a bride:
One should marry a girl who is endowed with intelligence, beauty, a good character and auspicious characteristics and who is healthy. Aśv. gr 1.5.3
Āpastamba Gr̥hya Sūtra states a commonsense rule: 'A girl on whom his mind and eyes are riveted will bring him happiness (or prosperity), he should pay no heed to other things; this is the view of some’. Āp.gr. (III.21)
One imbued with faith may acquire excellent learning even from a lowly person, special law even from the lowest, and the gem of a wife even from a base family. Manu smriti 2.238
The five essential features of a Vedic Marriage are:
vāgdānam ca pradānam ca varaṇam pāṇi-pīḍanam |
sapta-padi iti pañcāṅgo vivāha prakīrtiḥ ||
The procedure of wedding differs from place to place. The reason for it is most of the South Indians follow Āp.gr whereas North Indians follow Par. Gr.
Procedure of marriage according to Āp.gr
Vara Preśaṇam (Invitation of the Bride):
Firstly permission is requested from the elders to begin the ceremonies. After offering worship to Ganesa (or viṣvaksena) for the removal of obstacles, betel leaves and areca nuts along with some monetary offering is given to 2 brahmins who are requested to go and ask for the hand of the bride.
.Vara Varaṇam (Invitation of the Groom) :
The bestower formally welcomes the groom and after washing his feet and honouring him, invites him to accept the hand of the bride and to become his son in-law. The bride is then brought to the canopy and is seated to the right of the groom.
Kanyadānaṃ (bestowal of the bride):
After reciting the Saṅkalpa or Statement of Intent the hands of the couple are joined. The bride’s father places a coconut in their hands and after the clan (gotra) and the names of the illustrious ancestors (pravara) have been proclaimed, water is poured from a conch-shell over the coconut by the bestower’s wife.
“This maiden is well adorned and bedecked with gold. I, desirous of attaining the realm of Vishnu, give her to you O [embodiment of] Vishnu.”
“The Supreme Being who resides in the hearts of all beings, and all the gods are witnesses. I bestow my daughter upon you so that you may fulfil your mutual obligations to your forefathers [through the begetting of offspring].”
“For the performance of Dharma, for the begetting of offspring, and for companionship in your daily duties are you formally joined in marriage.”
“This daughter well-dressed, righteous, well-mannered and intelligent is united with you in matrimony so that you may fulfil your social and religious duties, for prosperity and fulfilment of desires.”
The groom then recites:—
“This woman will be before me, she will be beside me, she will encompass me on every side, may you be Liberated through your gift.”
Acceptance By The Groom..
The groom recites:—
“Impelled by God I receive you, with the two arms of Right Knowledge & Right Action, and with the hands of the Enricher I receive you.” (Tait. Sam 1.8.7.2) “May King Varuna lead you, O Goddess to a partner for the sake of progeny. By that may you attain to immortality as well as material enjoyment & well-being.” (TA. 3.10.1)
“Who is giving what and to whom? Love is the Giver and Love the Receiver. Love has entered into the Ocean of Being. Through Love I receive you. O Love all this is for you.” (TA. 3.10.1.4 AV. 3.29.7)
Vows of the couple
The couple now recite the vows. They promise that in the three areas of life that they live together; in the field of
Dharma – the religious/moral/spiritual field,
Artha – prosperity, mutual financial arrangements and
Kama – pleasure, recreation and procreation; they will never do the wrong thing by each other.
Admonition — “In righteousness, in prosperity, in recreation; nurture her at all times, and never offend this tender woman in any way.”
Groom- “I will not offend her in any way.”
Manu (IX.47) declares—
'Once is the partition of inheritance made, once is a maiden given in marriage’.
Madhu-parka/Vara Puja: (offering of honey by way of honour to a distinguished guest). The word literally means — 'a ceremony in which honey is shed or poured' (on the hand of a person).
The madhu-parka is offered to six persons who happen to visit one’s
home:_
This is still performed at the canopy after the groom arrives at the hall. On their wedding day the groom is considered as the embodiment of Vishnu the Preserver and the bride is Lakshmi — the Goddess of prosperity. The groom is received by his father in law – his feet are washed, water is given to sip and a honey-yoghurt drink called madhuparka is offered. According to the ancient manuals a cow is supposed to be killed to feed the groom’s party. Nowadays this is done symbolically by offering a coconut which the groom rolls away saying:— “I say to those who understand — don’t kill this cow for me release her, let her drink water and eat grass!”
A few small matters may be noted. Several grhya-sutras (such as the Manava) describe madhu-parka as a part of the marriage rite, while others like Asvalayana describe it independently. Others like Hir. gr. (I.12-13) describe it as part of the graduation ceremony (Samavartana).
In modern times there is generally no madhu-parka except in marriage and then too it is a simple matter and the elaborate procedure prescribed in some of the grhya sutras is hardly ever followed. Meat is never offered.
Samīkṣaṇam (Setting face to face) : The couple sit and face each other.
“Om. To us, O God Varuna, bring her, kind to her brothers; bring her, O Lord of the Universe Brihaspati, kind to her husband and her children O Indra. O Creator of the Universe Savita bring her with prosperity.” (AV 14.1.62)
“Om. Gaze gently upon each other, never be hostile to each other, be tender to animals, of cheerful mind, beautiful in your glory, the parents of heroes, be devoted to the gods, be the bestower of happiness, be good and kind to us, and to all creatures.” (RV.10.85.44)
Kanya Saṃskāram (Sanctification of the Bride):
Previously men undertook the vow of brahmacarya(studentship) and studied the Vedas. Women were excluded from the privilege of Vedic study and consigned to home duties. The wedding ceremony therefore became the equivalent of the bride’s initiation ceremony (upanayana) that the boys underwent. The groom is the “guru” and through the vivaha samskaram she is initiated into her domestic duties, and living with the husband is the equivalent of living with the guru and his family (guru-kula-vasa)
The bride sits on a chair facing the east. The groom takes a blade of sacred grass (darbha) and wipes the forehead of the bride and then casts it to the west.
“I remove from you all that is negative and inauspicious.”
“O Brahmins bring pure water with which to bathe this maiden, removing from her all sin, detriments and faults.” (AV.14.1.39)
The groom places a crown of sacred grass on her head.
“May this bride be surrounded by the blessings of all your mutual relatives.” (AV.14.1.39)
He holds a miniature yoke above her head.
“O talented groom, sanctify your highly competent wife through these three devices; through the yoke which symbolises her union with you, through the gold which represents the Ultimate Truth, and through the water which represents the Cosmic Principles. May she be radiant like the sun and attain the goal of life.” (AV. 14.1.41)
Some gold or the mangala sutra is placed over the hole of the yoke.
The priests perform the holy bath (mangala snanam) by sprinkling holy water on the bride.
“May the Golden-hued, the Bright, the splendid Cosmic Principles that produced the Sun and Fire. Those that contain the Supreme Wisdom, the golden Ones bring joy to you and bless you.” (AV. 1.33.1 Tait. Sam 5.6.1.1.)
“May the subtle ether in the midst of which the Resplendent Lord pervades, watching men's pious and impious deeds, which acts as a medium for lightning, beautiful in appearance, bring joy to you and bless you.” (AV 1.33.2 Tait. Sam. 5.6.1.1)
“May the subtle ether which supports the manifold beautiful objects in the sky, which acts as a medium for lightning, beautiful in appearance, bring joy to you and bless you.” (A.V. 1.33.3 Tait. Sam. 5.6.1.1) “May the Cosmic Principles behold you with auspicious eye, touch you with their auspicious hands. May they bright and pure, shedding loveliness and brilliance, bring joy to you and bless you.” (AV 1.33.4 Tait. Sam 5.6.1.2)
Vastra Dānam (Presentation of clothing):
The groom presents the bride with a new set of clothes as a token of his intention to take care of all her material needs for the rest of her life.
O lover of song, may these our chants encompass you on every side; strengthening you with long life, may they bring delight to you. (S.Y.V. 5.29)
The bride retires to don the new sari.
Mangalya-Dhāraṇam (Bestowing the Tokens of Marriage):
The brahmins bless the maṅgala-sutra and the tray is carried around for all the congregation to bless The bride returns to the maṇḍapa and sits on her father's lap, according to some traditions she sits on a bag of rice symbolising abundance and fecundity.
The groom holds the cord of the maṅgala sutra around her neck and ties three knots.
The following verse is chanted by the groom and the brahmins;
Mangalyam tantunanena mama jeevana hetuna kanthe badhnami subhage twam jeeva sarada satam
Om I tie this sacred thread [I place this sacred ornament] around your neck, so that we may live long together, and remain together enjoying prosperity for an hundred autumns.
A present is given to the sister of the groom by the bride's party. The couple exchange garlands three times to confirm their intimate bond with each other. According to Hindu culture, food, garlands and clothing can only be shared with those who are most intimate.
Yoktra Bandhanam (Binding of the girdle):
The groom ties the yoktram or girdle made of sacred grass around the
waist of the bride.
“We pray with a pure mind that we may obtain the blessing of good children, fortunate and of sound health. O Agni be propitious to us in this matter. I bind this girdle for happiness and the performance of righteous deed.” (AV 14.1.42 Tait. Sam 1.1.10.1)
The groom takes the bride by the hand and leads her to the fire while the priests chant the following verse:—
“Let the Lord who Nourishes take your hand and hence conduct you; may Right Action & Right Knowledge transport you. Go to the house of your husband to be the mistress of his household and speak as a Lady to the gathered people.” (RV 10.85.26)
Agnisthāpanam (Kindling the Sacred fire) :
A new grass mat is spread to the west of the fire. The couple take their seats with the bride to the right of the groom.
The groom performs the preliminary rites & then recites
the following two verses:—
“O Woman, equanimity is your first guardian, observance of the Vedic law is your second, knowledge and strength of character are your third guardians. One born of woman is your fourth guardian.”(AV.14.2.3.)
“Tranquillity develops in the girl the sentiment of following the Vedic law; which in turn brings her knowledge and strength of character; which bestows upon me prosperity and progeny.” (AV. 14.2.4)
Pāṇigrahaṇam (Holding hands) :
The groom takes the bride's right hand and recites the following mantras.
“I take your hand for wellbeing so that together we may attain to old age in happiness. The Sovereign Cosmic Principles; Enjoyment [Bhaga], Aspiration [Aryaman], Creativity [Savitar] and Completeness [Purandhri] have united us for the performance of our duties as householders.” (RV 10.85.36)
“This institute of Householders was previously established by these Cosmic Principles, may we attain their benediction.” (Ap.MB .1.3.4)
O” Sarasvati! Personification of learning and eloquence, the source of well-being, O Gracious One, You whom I praise are the source of all creation.” (Ap.MB 1.3.5) “May the out-stretched golden hands of the purifying life force which pervades all directions unite our minds as one.”
An appointed member of the family then ties the hems of the couples’ garments together.
Saptapadi (Taking of seven steps) :
The couple now take the first seven steps in their journey of life together. These steps represent the seven areas of life that they need to work on together in order to have a perfect marriage.
Significance of Saptapadi is explained in this answer.
Vaivāhika Homam (The wedding sacrifice)
The priests now make oblations of ghee into the sacred with the following vedic verses. If the groom has been initiated and wears the sacred thread he may be encouraged to make the oblations himself. If not, the priests do it on his behalf.
Aśmarohanam (Treading upon the mill-stone):
The couple retire to the north of the fire where a millstone has been placed. The bride stands upon it facing the east. The stone represents difficulties and hurdles in married life. Conflict is inevitable and the success of a marriage depends on how effectively the couple learn to apply their conflict-resolution skills.
Tread upon this stone, be you firm and steadfast as this stone, in all your tribulations, pressing underfoot all negativity and grief. (Ap.MB. 1.5.1)
Lāja Homam (Offering of puffed-grains):
The bride’s cupped palms are filled with puffed-rice by her brother,
then supported by her husband she offers the grains into the fire with the
following mantras.
“This woman thus prays to God as she offers oblations of grains; long live my husband! Yea, a hundred autumns let him live!” (AV. 14.2.63)
May this maiden sacrificing here in the fire be completely united to her husband, O Aryaman grant you this, that they may never be parted. (Ap.MB 1.5.7)
Aryaman, you are the personification of Spiritual Aspiration, mysterious are you. O Self-sustainer, as a kind friend, with streams of milk they anoint you, when you makes wife and husband one-minded.(RV. 5.3.2)
The person who helps the bride in this ritual is the nominated protector or sponsor of the bride. If she encountered any domestic difficulties in her new home she could then summon her sponsor to come to her aid and to mediate on her behalf.
Pradakṣinam (Circumambulation):
The couple then circumambulate the fire altar three times with the groom leading.
“O Agni, in obedience to your command, we have brought the bride along with the marriage procession, unite her now with the husband along with future progeny.” (RV. 10.85.38)
O Agni, give long life and energy to this couple, May they both live for a hundred autumns.” (AV. 14.2.1 RV. 10.85.39)
“Guide them through all tribulations as easily as one passes through rivulets of water.” (RV. 2.7.3)
Yoktra Vimocanam (Releasing of the Girdle):
The groom releases the grass-girdle (yoktram) that was tied around the bride's waist. This act is symbolic of transferring the duty of protection from the father to the husband.
O Bride! I free you from the restrictions of your parents, wherewith your blessed father has bound you. Into the Seat of the Sacred Law, to the world of virtuous actions, I give you up uninjured with your consort. (RV. 10.85.24)
Thus I release you from the noose of Varuna, wherewith the Impeller, the Giver of Success hath bound you. I establish you in the realm of spirituality, in the world of virtuous actions, together with your husband.(Tait. Sam 1.1.10.2)
Final oblation :
“O Mystic Fire, giver of refuge are you, irreproachable, in truth the refuge of the devotees. We meditate upon you in our minds, O Bearerof- oblations, grant unto us healing remedies.” (Ap.MB 1.5.18)
Blessing:
It is of a hundred measures, man has a hundred years of life, a hundred powers; verily on life and power he rests.(Tait. Sam3.2.6)
Highly auspicious is this bride, come congratulate her; wish her a married life filled with her husband's love, and then repair to your respective dwellings.(R.V.10.85.33)
Departure
O Bride, radiant as the Sun, mount this all-hued, golden-tinted, strongwheeled, highly brilliant car, gently rolling, bound for the world of life immortal. Make for your husband a happy bridal procession. (RV.10.85.20)
Rise over conflicts and calamities, exceed your husband, and your children in dignity and pride and be you famous.” (Ap.MB 1.6.5)
Be an empress over your father-in-law, an empress over your mother in-law, be an empress over your husband's sisters, and an empress over his brothers too. (RV. 10.85.46)
May you radiate over the daughters-in-law in your new home, over all the children and the property, over your husband and his brothers and over all the community.(Ap.MB 1.6.7)Those who are at cross purposes and opposed to the wedded couple may they not succeed. May the hard path of life be crossed by pleasant journey. May all the forces of evil shrink away.(RV. 10.85.32)
Marriage according to Paraskara Grhya sūtra
Dvāra Pūjā (Reception of the Groom’s party) :
The wedding venue is technically the “Home” of the bride, so the groom’s party is welcomed at the gate with customary ceremonies done by the women of the family. What is done varies from community to community but the intention is to create auspiciousness and to avert negative influences.
Milini
Milini is the “meeting” of the relatives of the two sides. Usually done by
Punjabis. The respective male members of the two families meet, greet, garland and hug each other. Fathers, brothers, uncles etc.
The mantras chanted by the priests are from the final hymn of the Rig Veda:—
“Meet together, talk together, let your minds comprehend in harmony; In like manner as the ancient gods concurring, accepted their portion of the sacrifices.”
“May you pray together in harmony, may you strive for common goals with a common purpose, may you have associated desires. I repeat for you a common prayer, I offer for you a common oblation.”
“United be your intention, united be your hearts, united your thoughts, so that there may be a thorough harmony among you.”
The father of the bride then welcomes the groom. He anoints his forehead with sandalwood paste and rice grains and places a garland around his neck.
O noble son, with this tilak may you have longevity, health, excellence, radiance, and blazing intellect!
The women perform ārati which is the waving of a tray with auspicious objects and a light in front of the groom. The exact method of doing this varies from family to family. There are traditional songs which are sung by the women at this time.
The groom’s party is led to the pandal and the groom takes his seat. The priest assists the groom to perform a Ganesha puja for the removal of all hindrances.
A sacred protective thread is tied to the groom’s right wrist. This is called Kankana Dhāraṇam.
Vara Pūjā (Reception of the Groom):
This is already explained above.
Kanyā Āgamana (Arrival of the Bride):
The bride now makes her entrance accompanied by her bridal party. How the bride approaches the canopy is an individual matter nowadays. Sometimes she is accompanied by her uncles, and sometimes by her friends or bride’s maids. Sometimes she is carried in a palanquin.
She approaches the pandal and meets the groom outside and the couple stand facing each other and then when the priest recites the following mantra they garland each other :—
May all the Directive Energies of the Cosmos unite our hearts, may the Universal Principles, the Life Force and the heavens keep us two together. (RV.10.85.47)
Vastra Dānam (Presentation of Clothing):
The groom now presents the bride with a set of clothing. According to some Grihya Sutras the clothes are given by the groom’s side and some say that 4 items of clothing are given by the bride’s father — one for the groom and one for the bride.The groom takes 2 for himself and presents the bride with her set.
Kanya-dāna (Bestowal of the Bride):
The father of the bride or the authorised person is called upon by the priest to recite the saṃkalpa or recites it on the bestower’s behalf.
A coconut etc is placed in the bride’s hand by the father. The bride’s hand and coconut is then placed in the groom’s right hand. The bride’s mother pours water over the coconut.
This is already explained above.
The couple then recite the kāma-stuti or hymn in praise of Love together:—
Kāma Stuti
Who is giving what and to whom? Love is the Giver and Love the Receiver. Love has entered into the Ocean of Being. Through Love I receive you. O Love all this is for you.” (Tattiriya Aranyaka. 3.10.1.4 A.V. 3.29.7)
Agni-sthāpanam (Establishing the sacred fire):
This is explained already.
Pratijña (Vows by the couple):
Groom — dharme ca arthe ca, kāme ca, imāṃ nāticarāmi ||
Bride — dharme ca arthe ca, kāme ca, imā nāticarāmi ||In our mutual pursuit of spiritual development, in our mutual financial arrangements and in our mutual pursuit of pleasure and intimacy I shall never do the wrong thing by you.
This is observed in South India also.
Śubha dṛṣṭi (Auspicious gazing):
The couple are requested to look at each other without breaking their gaze as the following verse is recited :—
Om. Gaze gently upon each other, never be hostile to each other, be tender to birds and animals, of cheerful mind, beautiful in your glory, the parents of heroes, be devoted to the gods, be the bestowers of happiness, be good and kind to us, and to all creatures.(RV.10.85.44)
Om. To us, O God, bring her, kind to her brothers; bring her, O Lord of the Universe, kind to her husband and her children. O Creator of the Universe bring her along with prosperity.(AV.14.1.62)
O Woman, Soma knew you first, and then the Gandharva, thirdly Agni knew you, your fourth husband is one born of woman.” (AV. 14.2.3.)
Soma gave you to the Gandharva, the Gandharva gave you to Agni, O Agni transfer her now to me along with prosperity and progeny.(AV. 14.2.4)
This is also performed in South India especially in Telugu states. Till this moment, the bride and groom are separated by a cloth screen. This is the first gaze of the bride and the groom.
Granthi Bandhanam (tying the knot):
An appointed member of the family then ties the hems of the couples’ garments together.
With the bonds of the food that you eat together, with the many-colored thread of life; with the knot of truth I bind together your minds and your hearts.
Lāja Homa # 1 (Offering of Puffed-rice):
The bride’s brother or a substitute places puffed rice in the bride’s cupped palms — the groom places his palms below hers.
This woman thus prays to God as she offers oblations of grains; long live my husband! Yea, a hundred autumns let him live! (AV 14.2.63)
The couple circumambulate the fire with the bride in front while the priests chant the following mantra:—
Primordial God, in obedience to your command, we have brought the bride along with the marriage procession, Give her now to her husband along with future progeny. (RV. 10.85.38)
Aśmarohanam (Treading upon the mill-stone):
The couple stop to the north of the fire where a millstone has been placed. They stand opposite each other touching the stone with their right feet. They can either hold hands of the bride places her hands upon the groom’s shoulders.
Tread upon this stone, be you firm and steadfast as this stone, in all
your tribulations, pressing underfoot all negativity and sorrow.
This procedure is called Sannikallu in Telugu.
Lāja Homa #2
The bride’s brother places puffed rice in the bride’s cupped palms for a second time — the groom places his palms below hers.
May this maiden sacrificing here in the fire be completely united to her husband, O Aryaman grant you this, that they may never be parted.
The couple circumambulate the fire for a second time with the bride in front while the priests chant the following mantra:—
O Agni, give long life and energy to this couple, May they both live for an hundred autumns. (AV. 14.2.1 RV.10.85.39)
Lāja Homa #3:
The bride’s brother places puffed rice in the bride’s cupped palms for a third time — the groom places his palms below hers.
Aryaman, you are the personification of Spiritual Aspiration, mysterious are you. O Self-sustainer, as a kind friend, with streams of milk they anoint you, when you makes wife and husband one-minded. (RV.5.3.2.)
The couple circumambulate the fire for a third time with the bride in front:—
Guide them through tribulations As easily as one passes through rivulets of water. (RV 2.7.3)
Gāthā Gānam:
O Sarasvati Goddess of learning and eloquence, the source of wellbeing, O Gracious One, You whom I praise are the source of all creation. (ApMB 1.3.5)
It is in you the whole creation arose and in whom it is sustained and into whom it is ultimately diṣsolved. Today I shall sing that song which is the highest glory of women.
Final offering:
Together holding the winnowing basket the couple offer all the rest of the puffed rice. They then circumambulate the fire for the fourth time this time the groom leads.
Veṇī mocanam (Releasing a lock of hair):
The groom releases a few locks of the bride’s hair to symbolically liberate the bride from her parental control.
O Bride! I now free you from the restrictions of your parents, wherewith your blessed father had bound you. I now establish you with your consort in the practice of Dharma, in the realm of virtuous actions. (RV 10.85.24)
Saptapadi (The rite of the Seven Steps): Explained already.
Abhyukṣaṇam (Sprinkling with Holy Water): The priests now sprinkle the couple with holy water.
Sūrya Darśanam (The Prayer to the Sun): The couple then either go outside to look at the Sun or stay where they are and pretend to see the sun.
Hṛdaya Sparśam (Touching the hearts): The couple touch each other’s hearts.
Māṅgalya Dhāraṇam (Donning the tokens of marriage.):
The sacred necklace is then placed around the bride’s neck or Rings are exchanged.
Sindūr Dānam: A red dot is placed on the forehead of the bride by the groom and a little vermilion paste is also placed in the parting of her hair.
Āśīrvādam (Blessing): Blessings are taken from father-in-law,mother in- law,husband's sisters and his brothers too.(RV.10.85.46)
ācārya sambhāvanam (Giving Honorarium to the priests): A formal presentation of honorarium is given to the officiating priests. A tray is prepared with some fruit,flowers,betel leaves and nuts along with a coconut which is a substitute for the cow which should be give as the wedding fee. Usually the price of the cow is substituted.
Maṇḍap Udvāsanam & Prasthānam: (Dismantling of the canopy and departure)
This is similar to the departure which is stated above and the priests chant mantra (RV.10.85.20).
The mother of the bride or another married woman goes to the vehicle and anoints the driver with tilak. wheels of the car and anoints it with sandalwood paste, red-powder and some rice grains.
There are some post nuptial rites like Dhruva-Arundhati Darśanam (Viewing of the Polar Star), Griha Praveśa(entrance into new home), Samaveshana (Garbha-danam Rite of Consummation) etc., which you can read in the book The Hindu sacrament of marriage.
R.V. — Rig Veda
A.V. — Atharva Veda
S.Y.V. — Sukla Yajur Veda
Tait. Sam. — Taittiriya Samhita
Aśv. gr. — Aśvalāyana Gr̥hya Sūtra
Yaj. — Yājñavālkya Gr̥hya Sūtra
Āp.gr. — Āpastamba Gr̥hya Sūtra
Ap.MB. — Āpastamba Mantra Brahmaṇa
Hir. gr. — Hiraṇyakeśin Grhya sūtra
Par. Gr — Paraskara Grhya sūtra
There is no specific method to know who is your ideal life partner or soul mate. However, there are some methods in astrology to know if there will be good amount of compatibility between the two. This is called "Ashta-Koota Paddhathi" in which matching is done with 8 different sections with variable priority. Out of 36 gunas the minimum points should be 18 for advising a suitable marriage. There more the points the better will be the chemistry between both.
The Eight Koota Types
Type
Varna Koota 1 (points)
Vashya Koota 2
Dina Koota 3
Yoni Koota 4
Graha Maitram 5
Gana Koota 6
Rasi Koota 7
Nadi Koota 8
Apart from this, there are other factors taken into account for match making.
Regarding marriage ceremony (paNi grahana samskara) we have to refer to the specific grihya sutra of husband/wife or of the acharya who is performing it. The main points are given in short in the grihya sutras and detailed mantra procedure is given in karma kanda texts like Vivaha paddhati etc. Some of the important steps of Vedic marriage are :
Main (mukhya) Sankalpa
Ganesha Poojan
Swasti Vachanam
Matrika poojan
Nava graha poojan
Kalasha Sthapana
Madhuparka vidhanam
Agni sthapanam
Jaya homam
Shakha-uccharanam
laja homam
Saptapadi
Abhshekam
graha/surya/dhruva nirikshanam (star gazing)
Sindoora
Vamsha/gotra uccharanam
Aashirvadam
These are some of the steps of vedic marriage along with this kulachara (family customs) and deshachara (regional customs) could be done along with the vedic steps.
Ref: Paraskara Grihya sutra.
