I really want to pray to maa Durga but I don't have any Guru and any sort of initiation. I can't and don't want to use mantras. I tried searching about naam jap but couldn't find any proper information. Like how do I do name jap? Do I just repeat Durga over and over? I also don't feel right doing that as I always refer to her as Aai Bhawani/Matoshri. When should I do it? Some people say that we should do it while clean and pure with initiation. Do I just sing bhajans? Can I do that at night? I am just so confused with everyone saying something different. Also, I have done a lot of bad things in past. I think maa will not accept me as I have also broken my promise of improving. I just don't know what to do? I also want freedom. I don't want to be born again, I don't want moksha though. I read somewhere that you can serve her eternally? Is that possible? I don't think I would be able to do it as I have done lots of bad things. I'm scared I will just anger maa. Please, help me. I really want to pray to maa and Improve.