What is the duty of parents towards their own children?

Question

Do Hindu scriptures say anything about the responsibility of parenthood?

Specific references to verses from Hindu books would be highly appreciated.

Answer 1

Śrīmad Bhāgavatam gives pretty clear answer to this question. This is stated by Lord Rishabadeva (an incarnation of Lord Kṛṣṇa) while He was instructing His 100 children headed by Bharat Maharaj. This answer is imp coz of Śrīmad Bhāgavatam is ripened fruit of all Vedic literature (SB 1.1.3) and it was compiled by Śrīla Vyasadeva in His maturity. So there might be other opinions in other shastras but Śrīmad Bhāgavatam opinion matters due to its being the essence of all vedas. Rishabadeva says the following verse in Śrīmad Bhāgavatam 5.5.18 as follows -:

gurur na sa syāt sva-jano na sa syāt pitā na sa syāj jananī na sā syāt daivam na tat syān na patiś ca sa syān na mocayed yaḥ samupeta-mṛtyum

Translation -: One who cannot deliver his dependents from the path of repeated birth and death should never become a spiritual master, a father, a husband, a mother or a worshipable demigod.

Purport by His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivendanta Swami Śrīla Prabhupāda -:

There are many spiritual masters, but Ṛṣabhadeva advises that one should not become a spiritual master if he is unable to save his disciple from the path of birth and death. Unless one is a pure devotee of Kṛṣṇa, he cannot save himself from the path of repeated birth and death. Tyaktvā dehaṁ punar janma naiti mām eti so ’rjuna. One can stop birth and death only by returning home, back to Godhead. However, who can go back to Godhead unless he understands the Supreme Lord in truth? Janma karma ca me divyam evaṁ yo vetti tattvataḥ.

We have many instances in history illustrating Ṛṣabhadeva’s instructions. Śukrācārya was rejected by Bali Mahārāja due to his inability to save Bali Mahārāja from the path of repeated birth and death. Śukrācārya was not a pure devotee, he was more or less inclined to fruitive activity, and he objected when Bali Mahārāja promised to give everything to Lord Viṣṇu. Actually one is supposed to give everything to the Lord because everything belongs to the Lord. Consequently, the Supreme Lord advises in Bhagavad-gītā (9.27):

yat karoṣi yad aśnāsi yaj juhoṣi dadāsi yat yat tapasyasi kaunteya tat kuruṣva mad-arpaṇam “O son of Kuntī, all that you do, all that you eat, all that you offer and give away, as well as all austerities that you may perform, should be done as an offering unto Me.” This is bhakti. Unless one is devoted, he cannot give everything to the Supreme Lord. Unless one can do so, he cannot become a spiritual master, husband, father or mother. Similarly, the wives of the brāhmaṇas who were performing sacrifices gave up their relatives just to satisfy Kṛṣṇa. This is an example of a wife rejecting a husband who cannot deliver her from the impending dangers of birth and death. Similarly, Prahlāda Mahārāja rejected his father, and Bharata Mahārāja rejected his mother (jananī na sā syāt). The word daivam indicates a demigod or one who accepts worship from a dependent. Ordinarily, the spiritual master, husband, father, mother or superior relative accepts worship from an inferior relative, but here Ṛṣabhadeva forbids this. First the father, spiritual master or husband must be able to release the dependent from repeated birth and death. If he cannot do this, he plunges himself into the ocean of reproachment for his unlawful activities. Everyone should be very responsible and take charge of his dependents just as a spiritual master takes charge of his disciple or a father takes charge of his son. All these responsibilities cannot be discharged honestly unless one can save the dependent from repeated birth and death.

Answer 2

I am not sure about Hindu texts but here are views of the Hindu saint Sri Sri Ravi Shankar on this:

When a baby is born, along with it, a mother and a father are also born. Often, we are eager to teach our little ones when there is a lot to learn from them. A baby exudes all the qualities of an enlightened person. A baby lives completely in the moment. Babies practice all the mudras right from the beginning. They are born in adi mudra-- thumb tucked in a fist. They often sleep in chin mudra, index finger touching the thumb and chinmay mudra, with the remaining three fingers closed in a fist. Around the time their spine begins to develop, they start sucking their thumb (merudanda mudra). Through the day, they stretch and twist their spine or touch their toes and so on. Every posture of a baby is somewhere related to yoga. In fact, it appears that yoga was developed by looking at a baby growing.

Many times, people brush aside what babies say as gibberish. Interestingly, children often remember things from their past lives, and between the age of three and seven, they start forgetting it. So, if you keenly listen to them talk, they may be expressing things from their previous birth.

An individual’s life and character is shaped by four factors. One fourth of it comes from parents. Another one fourth is acquired through education and upbringing. Karma or the cause-and-effect of one’s actions provides another one fourth and one’s own effort make up the last quarter. So parents form the very first foundation of a child’s life. A child starts his learning process by imitating his parents.

Children normally are keen observers. They observe everything, every moment. Most parents are oblivious to the fact that children are scrutinising them every moment. Therefore, it is important for parents to be free from stress because parents’ stress or joy, their character and attitudes get transferred to the child.

Children are naturally drawn to music and dance. It is advisable to expose them to music which is not too aggressive, harsh and hard rock type.

Often parents cannot tolerate children crying. But we should not be too anxious to put a pacifier in the child’s mouth when it cries. It is good for the child to cry a little everyday for it opens up the lungs as well as the cranial bones. Osteopaths also testify to this.

While dealing with children or educating them, one tends to give a lot of negative suggestions. We should be conscious of this and instead should give positive suggestions. Instead of saying, “Don’t go there”, we can say, “Come here”. Similarly, instead of saying, “Don’t throw the bottle”, we can say, “Keep the bottle there”. One can make an effort to turn suggestions more affirmative rather than negative.

Children are a blessing from the Divine. Not only do they bring immense joy with them, bringing them up is a highly educational experience for the parents. They get plenty of opportunities to become more caring, more patient, to lead by example and most of all, to shower all their love on their bundles of joy. In some sense, it will not be wrong to say that parents play the role of God. With so many flavours, parenting can be a very colourful journey and a rewarding one too.

http://www.speakingtree.in/article/the-fine-art-of-parenting

Answer 3

The position of the mother is the highest in the world, as it is the one place in which to learn and exercise the greatest unselfishness. The love of God is the only love that is higher than a mother's love; all others are lower. It is the duty of the mother to think of her children first and then of herself. But, instead of that, if the parents are always thinking of themselves first, the result is that the relation between parents and children becomes the same as that between birds and their offspring which, as soon as they are fledged, do not recognize any parents. Blessed, indeed, is the man who is able to look upon woman as the representative of the motherhood of God. Blessed, indeed, is the woman to whom man represents the fatherhood of God. Blessed are the children who look upon their parents as Divinity manifested on earth.

Source: Karma-Yoga by Swami Vivekananda (1921) at sacred-texts.com