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I'm going through a really dark phase in my life and I constantly think about killing myself. However, I don't want to repeat the cycle of life-death and so on. And I believe, suicide is an action that will definitely impact my karma and put me in the lower realms of the journey to enlightenment.

I've been through a lot and finally understood that desire is the cause of all worries and pain in this material world. I just want to "wake up" and free myself from this illusion. Therefore, I'm thinking of renouncing this material world, my family, relationships and live a life of deep meditation on the realization of God. Is this something that will be accepted by God? I know the path is not easy but I'd like to truly surrender unto God. I'm tired of living a meaningless life accumulating wealth, career and other material desires. I'd like to concentrate all my desires and thoughts to God selflessly. (no desire for moksha too.)

closed as off-topic by Keshav Srinivasan Sep 1 '15 at 0:40

This question appears to be off-topic. The users who voted to close gave this specific reason:

  • "This question does not appear to be about Hindu religion, within the scope defined in the help center." – Keshav Srinivasan
If this question can be reworded to fit the rules in the help center, please edit the question.

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    It's good to know that you've had enough of the samsara and have generated a good quality of selflessness, and also you are not thinking about suicide. This condition is generated by Supreme Bramhan to teach you a lesson of Vairagya, now the best thing for you right now is to join following course to get rid of negativity and get started with meditation artofliving.org/how-do-sudarshan-kriya – Yogi Aug 28 '15 at 18:51
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    If you have loaded pockets you can also join this one ishafoundation.org/Isha-Yoga-Programs/… these suggestion are purely based on my experience with these people. I am not getting any profit or anything by suggesting them I am not even part of their institution. – Yogi Aug 28 '15 at 18:53
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    Welcome to Hinduism.SE! Personal advice questions are not allowed on this site, so I'm closing your question. If you want to remove the personal details and make it more general, then that may be more acceptable. – Keshav Srinivasan Sep 1 '15 at 0:40
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    @urosjarc That is exactly how I feel now. Even if I was killed by a lion, or hurt by a snake while meditating I wouldn't protest! I'm staring to see everyone as souls and everything as the creation of God. – Navik Goswami Sep 1 '15 at 7:39
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    @NavikGoswami Yes me the same, and be happy that crysis has happend to you becase if it would be not happend to you, you will still live in ignorace. Before year ago I had horible ilness and I think that I will die, and I would die if I will still live in ignorance. And now I'm so happy that this ilness happend to me, and now I see that things that are "bad" is like a guidance system to showing you if you live in a truth, and happynes is reward if you are aware of the signs. So confort your self that you live in ignorace and make slow steps in to the truth... – user2578 Sep 1 '15 at 7:56
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Ramakrishna Paramahamsa says (Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, Chapter 8):

There are three or four varieties of renunciation. Afflicted with miseries at home, one may put on the ochre cloth of a monk; but that renunciation doesn't last long. Again, a man out of work puts on an ochre wearing-cloth and goes off to Benares. After three months he writes home: 'I have found a job here. I shall come home in a few days. Don't worry about me.' Again, a man may have everything he wants. He lacks nothing, yet he does not enjoy his possessions. He weeps for God alone. That is real renunciation.

There is a saying when it comes to renouncing the world - 'Better too late than too soon.' What it means is it is better to renounce later rather than too soon - you don't want to renounce and then discover that you have a deep hankering for some worldly desire, and rather than thinking of God, your heart and mind are filled with unfulfilled desires.

Many monastic orders require new members to spend many years as a brahmachari living with fellow monks before granting final vows so that a person can wrestle with the idea of what true renunciation means. This also allows the mind to adapt itself to the daily regime of being a renunciate.

One suggestion is to go to a math for a month or two and see if you find the life of a renunciate fulfilling.

  • Very nice answer, especially the quote. – iammilind Aug 31 '15 at 8:52
  • @Swami Vishwananda Thank you for the insight. The quote makes a lot of sense. However, I'm really determined to give up this worldly life. The events that have taken place in my life have only strengthened my resolution to attain God consciousness. – Navik Goswami Aug 31 '15 at 13:49
  • I understand this question is closed but what are the "three or four varieties of renunciation?" From your quote, I get the one that "doesn't last long", what are the other ones? – sv. Feb 3 '16 at 1:30
  • @sv. The quote mentions three; one who has a life altering event at home, one who is out of a job, and a true renunciation. Another fourth type is one who renounces on his death bed. – Swami Vishwananda Feb 3 '16 at 10:32
  • Oh, my bad, didn't read the quote properly. Thanks for the 4th one. – sv. Feb 3 '16 at 20:10
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I am sorry to hear you are going through a crisis. You are already wise and correct in realising that suicide will impact your karma negatively.

Life is a gift and should be lived joyously as though you are grateful for this gift and enjoy it as gifts are meant to be enjoyed. You need not renounce the world either in order to love and serve God. Remember, the world and everyone/everything in it is yet another skew of that which you are attempting to seek. Vairagya as a result of sadness or darkness in life is only temporary and is not true renunciation. So , give yourself some time to see if you feel this way even after a couple of years. Meanwhile, surround yourself with people who love you, get into some physical activity - a hard sport or regular workouts at the gym, all the while trying to find a guru. I am wary of suggesting that one should find a guru because there are several false gurus at every street corner these days. Learn to play a musical instrument. Nada yoga can lead to salvation.

Also, there are several yoga and meditation practices that will help you achieve the best of both worlds- iha and para. As a start you can do the following:-

Find a quiet place and close your eyes, utter a small prayer to your favorite deity and observe your breath. Do this at the same time every day and regularly for 21 days.

Doing anything for 21 days is said to be habit-forming. If necessary, please seek medical help for depression.

Life is precious. It is not ours to take. It was given to us by parents , our ancestors and God. It is our dharma to strive to be worthy of it.

Be well. God bless.

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    I'm absolutely devastated right now...I loved someone so deeply and cared so much about that person that I almost forgot who I was in the process. I wanted to live life with her. She is the one who brought me closer to our source 'God'. I started gaining more knowledge about our scriptures all the while trying to build a perfect life. But, she had to leave me because of her parents not agreeing for us (caste system). Since, then I've completely lost it. I'm just wandering here and there without making any progress either in a material way or spiritual way. – Navik Goswami Aug 28 '15 at 17:03
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    Thank you for taking the effort in answering my question. I'd rather start a spiritual journey than pursue these worthless 'desire because I know that is what will genuinely make me happy in the long term and that is the path that every soul will walk on one day. The concepts of death and afterlife have always fascinated me and over the years, I've learned that in order to end this suffering of life and death, it is imperative to realize god consciousness. – Navik Goswami Aug 28 '15 at 17:13
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    @Navik, this answer is a nice way to go forward. I will also try to answer you, should I find something from Gita. Meanwhile Think like this: Before she came, did you expect someone like her existed? Then why do you expect that no one like her would exist after she left? May be her role was limited to divert you towards God. – iammilind Aug 29 '15 at 3:50
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    Reminds me of Arjuna's dilemma in the battlefield of kurusketra where he asks Krishna if it was better to become a sanyasi and live on biksha and Krishna discourages him from doing so. – Bharat Aug 29 '15 at 4:08
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    @Navik I am sorry you went through a difficult period.Anything we say will sound reductive at this stage but please believe this.You will be the better for this experience.You have to try to get thr' one day at a time as is the case with any crisis in life.Make daily,weekly & monthly goals that push you physically and intellectually.The more such short-term goals you reach,the greater your strength will be to deal with what feels like a life-and-death situation now.As time will pass,you will come out wiser,stronger,forgiving and accepting and will get closer to God as well.Be well.God bless. – user1195 Aug 29 '15 at 11:29
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I read what you asked for and also the comments. It seemed to me that you are clearly depressed my friend, you feel like you need to cry but the tears holding back beyond those eye balls, I know its getting tough for you but consider this:

There are other important people in your life who love you more than anything else, since you was born

So, the thought of suicide is the worst of the solutions of the pain you are going through,

  1. You will lose one of the precious gift of the universe, a Human life.
  2. Your loved ones will have to go through the grief of your departure from their lives. Believe me, its hard when some mother's son die, and die of suicide.

Its good that you want to be spiritual, but at the same time you need to have hope in life lighting you up.

What if its not working out, she, her parents or whatever reason, but that does not shut down the world for you. You are the wonderful creation of the Almighty, we all are; follow spirituality, remain enlightened, practice meditation, join some activity, read books, accept the fact and make yourself strong. There is still someone out there for you, who will be yours one day. Wait for her.

Just open your arms to life, Life will accept you.

Love everyone, love souls, develop interests, have a puppy or kitten or whatever pet you like, spent sometime with them daily. I assure you they will not feel dishonest to you.


Also,

Everything happens for a reason, and the reason will unfold itself when the right time will arrive.

  • Could you give a answer from Hindu perspective, if possible from works of Hindu gurus/scriptures. – Bharat Aug 31 '15 at 4:37
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    @Bharat Yea I had a feeling that someone will say like that, but currently what I have answered is what the OP needs, not what he wants. – nobalG Aug 31 '15 at 4:39
  • @nobalG I really appreciate your concern and the kind words that you have shared with me. I have put the thought of suicide away, because I understand it will be a grave mistake spiritually and also have a long lasting impact on the people that care about me and affect their karma too. However, I am really determined to give up this material life because it does not entice me anymore. I do not have any desires, interests or pursuits. There is a strange feeling of detachment and euphoria at the same time. I constantly feel that I do not belong here (routine). – Navik Goswami Aug 31 '15 at 14:02
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    On informing a certain failure in life my mother casually told me "Oh it only means God has got something else in store for you!" – Narasimham Apr 11 '17 at 23:21

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