I'm going through a really dark phase in my life and I constantly think about killing myself. However, I don't want to repeat the cycle of life-death and so on. And I believe, suicide is an action that will definitely impact my karma and put me in the lower realms of the journey to enlightenment.
I've been through a lot and finally understood that desire is the cause of all worries and pain in this material world. I just want to "wake up" and free myself from this illusion. Therefore, I'm thinking of renouncing this material world, my family, relationships and live a life of deep meditation on the realization of God. Is this something that will be accepted by God? I know the path is not easy but I'd like to truly surrender unto God. I'm tired of living a meaningless life accumulating wealth, career and other material desires. I'd like to concentrate all my desires and thoughts to God selflessly. (no desire for moksha too.)